IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #goods #power #society
The vast majority of
people
 are convinced that the world is faced with the intensity of
advertisement
 and prefer buying things which are unnecessary for living. I partially agreed with
such
 a viewpoint about the power of
advertisement
, and
this
 essay will discuss to what extent
people
 are dependent on the commercial.
Then
,
however
, the fact that
people
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 extremely hinge on
Add an article
an ad
the ad
show examples
ad
Fix the agreement mistake
ads
show examples
 will be discussed by virtue of personal opinion. It is evident that nowadays society faces an extreme amount of promotion. One of the main reasons is that huge multinational companies produce new products every day, and the customers must be aware of the product. Undoubtedly, some of them use the services of marketing agencies, which apply tricky methods and motivate
people
 to buy different
staff
Correct your spelling
stuff
show examples
. It is quite common to engage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities for the
advertisement
, one of the biggest examples is Bella Hadid who has been involved in
vary
Replace the word
various
show examples
 campaigns
such
 as Michael Kors, Calvin Klein and Burberry.
Nevertheless
, there are still some
people
 who do not believe in the power of
advertisement
. For years, society has changed and became aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 sustainable consumption. Authorities
also
 maintain the idea of the right consumption
due
Add the preposition
todue
show examples
 ecological issues.
For instance
, a Journal of cleaner production has published
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research, which invokes the public to be objective and do the right choice. To conclude, the question about advertising has always been controversial for society.
This
 essay partially supports the claim that the
advertisement
 has become powerful and tricky due to new ways of advertising, but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 I have to object
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since there are
people
 who are making their choice taking into account sustainable consumption.
Submitted by alexia.13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: