Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have.

All of the people consider that
women
can be good parents more than
men
.
For
this
reason, everyone thinks that
women
are suitable to take care of their
children
the most.
However
, others agree that
men
are
also
good at parenting same as wives. In my point of view, I concur that wives are gentler to be ready to teach their kids.
However
,
men
have a better power to raise their
children
.
First,
every mother is so kind to their daughter or son.
This
is very common for all
residentials
Correct your spelling
residents
show examples
. It cannot be denied that
women
have a better sense
to look
Change preposition
of looking
show examples
after their
children
. A perfect example of
this
is mothers always prepare breakfast,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
school uniform, and teach them homework.
Hence
, mothers will be the person who understands their
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
need.
Secondly
, someone admits that both
women
and
men
are the same. They can be the perfect parents. Especially, fathers have an open mind and lead their kids to do the right things. To illustrate, daughters usually share their stories and secrets with their fathers. Because they might think that no one can blame them if they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
something mistake.
Men
will compromise
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
all the time.
Thus
,
men
have skills that can encourage their daughters. In fact, all
children
feel more comfortable when they talk to their father. In conclusion,
women
are more likely to be good parents
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
men
. Because they can be a consultant to their
children
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
, friends,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
food, etc. Alternatively,
men
will be a person who keeps their kids’ secrets. So, everyone will prefer sharing experiences with fathers when bad things happen to them
Submitted by jameekorn.insawang on

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Coherence and cohesion
Use more formal language and avoid colloquial expressions such as 'residential' and 'mistake'. Also, ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical order and that the introduction clearly states your point of view.
Task response
Provide a more balanced argument by considering and counter-arguing the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, address the prompt more directly and make sure that every paragraph contributes to the overall point of view.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting
  • nurturing
  • paternal
  • maternal
  • societal expectations
  • gender roles
  • co-parenting
  • emotional intelligence
  • child-rearing
  • caregiver
  • egalitarian
  • stereotype
  • nuclear family
  • single parent
  • shared custody
  • bonding
  • child development
  • primary caregiver
  • compassionate
  • empathetic
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