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The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#media #effect #relationships #people
In recent years, some
people
 believe that the overuse of electronic
devices
 affects our social connection negatively. In my point of view, I completely disagree that using electronic
devices
 leads to a bad impact because their convenience has brought
people
 closer and the causes of growing distance in social come from many different aspects.
First
 of all, the main reason why I suppose that the
exist
Replace the word
existence
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 of electronic
devices
 may not harm our connection with
people
 is that we are able to get closer thanks to them. The evolvement of computers, smartphones and the Internet has allowed us to connect with our acquaintances immediately
although
 they are living far away or even in another nation.
For instance
, my father used to have to wait more than 10 years to reunite with his relatives living in another part of my country, whereas he only has to wait for a few minutes to see them now.
Furthermore
,
people
 now find it more
easily
Replace the word
easy
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 to make
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 with strangers or look for someone who
sharing
Change the form of the verb
shares
show examples
 the same interest with the help of social media. Another reason why I do not support the notion that using electronic
devices
 leads to a bad impact is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 I believe that there are several reasons causing the distance in our
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. The fast-paced life especially in urban areas make
people
 feel exhausted and become more careless. More than that, it is sometimes assumed that the youngsters nowadays only focus on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 but as I know, before smartphones became popular,
people
 tended to concentrate on the newspaper
instead
 of communicating so we cannot blame
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
devices
. In conclusion, I totally disagree that the development of electronic
devices
 creates a negative consequence in our social life.
This
 is because it is more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 to connect with our family and friends due to the help
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and there are many factors causing relationships distance.
Submitted by Lisa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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