IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse .Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinion on this?

#people #countries #diet #critics #change
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Many
people
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 assume that Western
people
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 are having excessive consumption of unhealthy
food
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 and that their
diet
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 is becoming more
imbalance
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imbalanced
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. Critics recommend those
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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change their diets. In my opinion, I believe that their
diet
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 has a high risk of serious illnesses and health issues and they should change their
diet
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. It is an undeniable truth that there has been a rising trend of eating fast
food
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Western countries because fast
food
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 is more convenient for the consumer as the consumer don’t have to cook or wash the dishes. And the
disadvanta
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disadvantage
disadvantaged
 ges of fast
food
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 are often overlooked. Fast
food
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 contains dire substances
such
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 as excessive fat in hamburgers and
hot-dogs
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hot dogs
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 or rotted calories and proteins in pancakes. These containments trigger severe
illness
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illnesses
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such
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 as lung and heart cancer.
However
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, there are solutions for
this
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.
People
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 should limit consuming unhealthy foods by eating more healthy or homemade foods
such
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 as
sandwich
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sandwiches
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 and salad. These types of
food
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 are easy to be made. the ingredients are cheap.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 should be encouraged to schedule their time exercising whether in the gym or at home as doing exercise is the key to health improvements. In conclusion,
although
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 Western
people
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is
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are
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 having
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
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Use synonyms
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
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, they can change their
diet
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 by avoiding fast
food
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 and consuming healthier
food
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.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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