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Band 3.5

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse .Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinion on this?

#people #countries #diet #critics #change
Many
people
 assume that Western
people
 are having excessive consumption of unhealthy
food
 and that their
diet
 is becoming more
imbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalanced
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. Critics recommend those
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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change their diets. In my opinion, I believe that their
diet
 has a high risk of serious illnesses and health issues and they should change their
diet
. It is an undeniable truth that there has been a rising trend of eating fast
food
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western countries because fast
food
 is more convenient for the consumer as the consumer don’t have to cook or wash the dishes. And the
disadvanta
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
disadvantaged
 ges of fast
food
 are often overlooked. Fast
food
 contains dire substances
such
 as excessive fat in hamburgers and
hot-dogs
Correct your spelling
hot dogs
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 or rotted calories and proteins in pancakes. These containments trigger severe
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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such
 as lung and heart cancer.
However
, there are solutions for
this
.
People
 should limit consuming unhealthy foods by eating more healthy or homemade foods
such
 as
sandwich
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sandwiches
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 and salad. These types of
food
 are easy to be made. the ingredients are cheap.
Furthermore
,
people
 should be encouraged to schedule their time exercising whether in the gym or at home as doing exercise is the key to health improvements. In conclusion,
although
 Western
people
is
Change the verb form
are
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 having
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
, they can change their
diet
 by avoiding fast
food
 and consuming healthier
food
.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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