IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Currently there is a use of alternative medicine. However at the best these methods are ineffective, and at most they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#alternative #medicine #methods
Obesity
 is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. These days there is serious concern about
obesity
 worldwide, but especially in wealthy countries. I believe that there are two major issues, which are Fast
Food
 and a
lack
 of
exercise
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 essay
also
 proposes possible solutions to each of these issues. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
it is clear that
 Fast
Food
 is the main reason for
obesity
. Almost every bigger city in the world has a Fast
Food
 restaurant, which makes it
easy
Change the adjective
easily
show examples
 accessible and promises a quick feed. The result is a considerably high amount of
health
 problems, which might be diabetes, liver problems and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high blood pressure.
Nonetheless
, a possible way to solve
this
 problem
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
health
Change preposition
through health
show examples
 education and programs.
For example
 advertisements on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV about how to cook fresh meals in a short time.
Secondly
, there is little doubt that a
lack
 of
exercise
 is another
problemthat
Correct your spelling
problem that
 leads to
obesity
. The reasons are a shortage of knowledge about the importance of
exercise
, a
lack
 of motivation and it is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
. One likely answer is to encourage and educate people, which could be a benefit of
health
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
show examples
, in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
 of a fitness pass. In conclusion, two serious issues of
obesity
 are
easy
Change the adjective
easily
show examples
 accessible and unhealthy Fast
Food
 and a
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
show examples
lack
 of
exercise
.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 solutions to these problems are in my opinion on one hand
health
 education as in advertisement and benefits from
health
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
show examples
.
Obesity
 is a serious concern and people should begin to perceive it as that.
Submitted by keamotel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • scientific validation
  • mainstream treatment
  • standardized safety measures
  • conventional medicine
  • complement conventional treatment
  • delayed diagnosis
  • evidence-based treatment
  • nature-based treatments
  • cultural heritage
  • detrimental health consequences
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!