IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people warn that the era of silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #era #silver #screen #interest #cinema
Entertainment and relaxation are desired to refresh our minds from daily stress for which movies are considered to be one of the most preferred sources of entertainment. Some
people
 pin-point that
interest
Correct article usage
the interest
show examples
 of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 in
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
show examples
 is decreasing which will result in
shut
Correct article usage
the shut
show examples
 down of the
industry
.
This
 essay will discuss that why cinemas are still
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
. 
To begin
 with, cinema helps an individual to escape from reality and forget all his worries. While enjoying these shows
people
 get completely involved in
show
Correct article usage
the show
show examples
 and
link
Correct article usage
the link
show examples
 with
outer
Add an article
the outer
show examples
 world is broken due to which they feel refreshed and less stressed.
Moreover
,
people
 enjoy going
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
movies
Correct article usage
the movies
show examples
 with their friends and families to celebrate small events
such
 as birthdays,
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 and so on. For an instance, as theatres are closed due to
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
 public is eagerly waiting for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 opening. On other hand, the
industry
 provides
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 to many. A huge crew is required to make a film and
also
 to display it on screens. There are many professional and unprofessional workers who play an active role in
making
Add an article
the making
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a movie and
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
 of
this
industry
 will result in
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. Even, the income from the
industry
 supports the economy of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 as it
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a multi-billion dollar
industry
. To sum up, cinemas
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 enormous benefits for common
people
 as well as the government.
Ending
Add an article
The ending
show examples
 of
this
 era will be distasteful as many are dependent on cinemas for their bread and butter.
Submitted by germanvarpal1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: