Children today are told dependent on computer and electronic entertainment.It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree.

#children #computer #entertainment #time #sports #games

Nowadays youth tend to enjoy their spare

time

with electronic devices.

Therefore

, it is believed that

children

are needed to allocate more

time

to play outdoor sports. I agree with the aforementioned statement.

To begin

with, in modern society, there is a tendency that

children

prefer

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle. To be specific, advanced technology

enable

Change the verb form

enables

show examples

youth to experience

virtual

Correct article usage

a virtual

show examples

world and convenient lifestyle. By using the technology,

children

do not have to go out to meet their friends because they can communicate with their peers via chatting messengers and play video games together connecting each other online. As well as that, it is quite addictive so that youth spend

majority

Add an article

the majority

a majority

show examples

of their free

time

on them.

Therefore

this

phenomenon is prevalent and it causes insufficient physical

activities

such

as soccer to

children

. To

alleivate

Correct your spelling

alleviate

this

issue, outdoor

activities

should be encouraged to

children

by building more infrastructures and educating

children

results of the lack of

exercise

Firstly

, it is true that insufficient sports infrastructures lead to

this

phenomenon. Take Korea as an example, in Korea, there are few facilities to do

exercise

, so it contributes to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

exercise

as well as addiction to electronic devices.

Therefore

, it seems compulsory to build more facilities and hold campaigns to make

children

take part in sports

activities

Secondly

, it is important to educate

children

about

bad

Correct article usage

the bad

show examples

results of

the

Correct article usage

show examples

sedentary lifestyle. In school,

children

should be taught lack of

exercise

could cause some diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure

then

they will prone to join physical

activities

to stay healthy.

As a result

children

will spend more

time

on outdoor

activities

to prevent illness. In conclusion, I believe that encouraging

children

to take part in physical

activities

is indispensable and it will play a significant role in staying healthy

Change preposition

for

show examples

children

Submitted by playsocc1216 on Tue Aug 24 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today are told dependent on computer and electronic entertainment.It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people find it difficult to speak in front of and to present to anaudience. It is believed that this skill should be taught in school. Why is this important? To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

Motorways help people travel quickly and cover long distances but they also cause problems. What are the problems of motorway and what solutions are there?

In many countries children engage in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?