IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that criminal behaviour can have genetic reasons, while others believe that only circumstances can lead some people to crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, the number of violent activities has increased substantially. A group of thought claims that genetic arrangement is responsible for these events.
Whereas
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, some individuals deem
situations
Correct word choice
that situations
show examples
 have
indulged
Verb problem
led
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 persons
into
Change preposition
to
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 criminal acts. I strongly believe both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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notions are equally important and have significant justifications in support. To commence with, genes play a crucial role
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
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 human mindsets. The presence of the criminal gene, which is known as
MOMA
Punctuation problem
MOMA,
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 has
been
Verb problem
apply
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contributed to
violation
Check wording
violence
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 and aggressive
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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always
Rephrase
apply
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. Because the secretion of
enzymes
Correct article usage
the enzymes
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 serotonin and dopamine
enhances
Wrong verb form
is enhanced
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 considerably by the presence of that particular gene. To illustrate, research conducted in Finland has reported the existence of that gene order among 900 offenders,
while
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 normal citizens
were
Verb problem
did
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 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
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this
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.
Consequently
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, domination of
this
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 cannot be avoided easily when the scientific studies
approved
Wrong verb form
approve
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 their contribution.
In contrast
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, personal and social conditions can force a person to commit extremely cruel actions. Certain circumstances may lead someone to get involved in antisocial operations, which they have never imagined.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the situation
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 in their
favour
Punctuation problem
favour,
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 they would have never walked on that path. In the year 2010, a story published by
Correct article usage
The statesman
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statesman
Fix capitalization
Statesman
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 became famous, where a slum-dweller stole a piece of bread to feed his family because he lost his
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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 and had no money
purchase
Verb problem
to purchase
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. Henceforth, one’s environment can be tricky
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 everyone should try to understand their position before any follow-up. To recapitulate, I reckon both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives have equal
weightage
Use the right word
weight
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 and are supported by me
equivalently
Replace the word
equally
show examples
. Sometimes it is difficult to define the reason behind one’s criminal thought process. Either genetic influence or negative circumstances might promote these incidents.

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plan
Make a clear plan. Put your view in the start and end.
grammar
Use short, clear words. Short sentences help.
reason
Give one good reason for each view and a real example.
coherence
Link ideas with words like and, but, yet, so, for example.
facts
Check facts and not use false claims.
content
You show both sides.
structure
You give an end view that links to the talk.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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