IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

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Sugar
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
 ought to be more expensive to discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree that
sugar
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
 should be high in
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
 in order to discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
this
Linking Words
 would prevent some medical ailments
that
Linking Words
is attribute
Change the verb form
is attributed
show examples
 to
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake, and it will
also
Linking Words
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to be physically fit.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
sugar
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as coke and
fanta
Change the capitalization
Fanta
show examples
 needs to be more expensive in order to prevent medical diseases like diabetes mellitus and obesity.
This
Linking Words
 is because most of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 diseases are caused by high intakes of sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,increasing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 price would
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
 as a means of discouraging
people
Use synonyms
 from taking it.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 would
reduces
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living with
such
Linking Words
 diseases in the community. Many studies have shown that less intake of
sugar
Use synonyms
 intakes reduces the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 living with obesity and diabetes mellitus.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can only be achieved by placing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 value on it as a means of discouraging
people
Use synonyms
 from it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, placing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 will make a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 to be physically fit.
This
Linking Words
 is due to the fact that
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 in the level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the body systems increases the level of insulin, which is one of the hormones in the body that caused tiredness.
However
Linking Words
, placing expensive prices on sugary products will prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would
reduces
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the level of insulin hormone in the body systems,
as a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will be physically fit . In conclusion, I absolutely agree that high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 should be placed on sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
, to serve as a means of reducing
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 intake for
people
Use synonyms
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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