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Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#drinks #people #sugar
Sugar
drinks
 ought to be more expensive to discourage
people
 from taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree that
sugar
drinks
 should be high in
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
 in order to discourage
people
 from it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
this
 would prevent some medical ailments
that
is attribute
Change the verb form
is attributed
show examples
 to
sugar
 intake, and it will
also
 help
people
 to be physically fit.
To begin
 with,
sugar
drinks
such
 as coke and
fanta
Change the capitalization
Fanta
show examples
 needs to be more expensive in order to prevent medical diseases like diabetes mellitus and obesity.
This
 is because most of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 diseases are caused by high intakes of sugary
drinks
.
Thus
,increasing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 price would
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
 as a means of discouraging
people
 from taking it.
Therefore
,
this
 would
reduces
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the number of
people
 living with
such
 diseases in the community. Many studies have shown that less intake of
sugar
 intakes reduces the percentage of
people
 living with obesity and diabetes mellitus.
However
,
this
 can only be achieved by placing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 value on it as a means of discouraging
people
 from it.
On the other hand
, placing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on sugary
drinks
 will make a lot of
people
 to be physically fit.
This
 is due to the fact that
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 in the level of
sugar
 in the body systems increases the level of insulin, which is one of the hormones in the body that caused tiredness.
However
, placing expensive prices on sugary products will prevent
people
 from taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
 would
reduces
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the level of insulin hormone in the body systems,
as a result
,
people
 will be physically fit . In conclusion, I absolutely agree that high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 should be placed on sugary
drinks
, to serve as a means of reducing
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 intake for
people
.
Submitted by temitope.sabitu on

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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