Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many today feel that the home no longer plays the largest role in child development. In my opinion, though outside factors have become increasingly invasive, family life is still more influential.
Those who believe
children
these days are largely shaped by the outside world often focus on the expanding importance of technology. Decades ago, it was more common for families to engage in conversation throughout the day, at dinner, and during holidays. Today, each family member might be more engaged with their smartphone, tablet, or laptop. For example
, children
now have constant access to streaming video sites like YouTube. Instead
of watching cartoons for an hour a day on television, they can watch shows all day long, both in and outside the home. The result is that kids often find niche channels and parents
have a difficult time monitoring and keeping up with the appropriacy of their interests and influences.
Nonetheless
, family life remains the heart of early psychological development. Children
are unlikely to have much access to new technology in their early years when researchers say the majority of personality formation occurs. If parents
are strict, unforgiving and withhold their love then
children
begin to either turn inwards feeling rejected or strive compulsively for their parent’s esteem. These early, learned behaviours will manifest themselves in progressively more unhealthy behaviours and evolve as the child matures. Conversely
, a child who is loved unconditionally but given honest feedback from their parents
has a much greater chance of becoming a well-adjusted adult with strong role models to imitate.
In conclusion, despite the ubiquity of technology today, family is the key catalyst in early development. Regardless of changes in society, parents
will continue to be the main influence for their children
in the foreseeable future.Submitted by phuongthanh.working on
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task response
Ensure that your examples are directly related to the points being made and that they fully support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical progression and organization of your ideas are clear. However, some topic sentences could be more explicit in signaling the direction of the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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