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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

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In recent times, some believe that one of the success keys of a company to grow business faster is to demand their workers to work more.
However
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,
this
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 will result in a higher stress level for the majority of
employees
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will explain two essential reasons for
such
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 an issue, which are overrated employer expectations
as well as
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 the inability of the staff to manage their time effectively,
together with
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 the solution.
To begin
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, many companies set various high targets in order to be better off than their competitor within an industry.
Such
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 goals require tight deadlines with abundant quantity results, which will not only result in pressuring subordinates to finish their task as soon as possible but
also
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 produce low-quality outputs.
For instance
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, a manufacturer who pushes their labour to produce thousands of plates overnight will result in products with relatively a lot of defects. To tackle
this
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 problem, the management level should evaluate their business targets by considering whether the targets are realistic or too optimistic.
Secondly
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, the background of
employees
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' stress is
also
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 caused by the workers' habits themselves, especially in their ability to manage time efficiently and effectively. People usually get distracted by other administrative stuff that must be done within similar deadlines, of which tasks are not related to their job description like filling in insurance reimbursement forms
for example
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.
Besides
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, the distraction can appear from things outside the office during their working hours
such
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 as family issues and simply trivia notifications from their personal phone. Two solutions that can be done by the employers are imposing job regulations to discipline
employees
Use synonyms
 focusing on their jobs,
as well as
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 delegating any tasks that are not related to respective subordinates to other vacant people. In conclusion, the workers will feel more stress if the firms urge them to do their occupations harder.
This
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 mental health issue occurs
due to
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 companies' unrealistic objectives and individuals' incapability to manage their time allocation promptly during office hours, which can be done by revising the employers' procedures in setting realistic goals and asserting human capital rules. If these cannot be solved,
then
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 both employers and
employees
Use synonyms
 will be worse off.

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coherence cohesion
You have a good structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to make your main points more distinct and organized with clearer subheadings or transitions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Your response covers the task effectively but can be more engaging and impactful with stronger examples and more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on examples to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both reasons and solutions for increased stress due to longer working hours.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout: A state of physical and emotional exhaustion often caused by prolonged stress.
  • Telecommuting: Working from a location outside of the traditional office environment, usually from home.
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Flexible working hours: A system that allows employees to choose their working hours within certain limits.
  • Occupational wellbeing: The overall mental, physical, and emotional health of an individual in relation to their job.
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