IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is often said that the subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management, work and interpersonal skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that schools play an essential role to educate
students
Use synonyms
 but there is still an argument that
students
Use synonyms
 should be taught about physical
matters
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic instruction.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will be outlined many aspects
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
 I agree with the idea of educating practical
matters
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 helpful for them. In
this
Linking Words
 highly competitive education, some schools have still encouraged their
students
Use synonyms
 to learn more and more subjects because if they gain lots of knowledge they will be ready to encounter harder lessons in the future
such
Linking Words
 as extreme competition in the universities.
However
Linking Words
, these theories that
students
Use synonyms
 have learnt from classrooms might be impractical if they lack practical
skills
Use synonyms
 entering the real world. There are lots of modern institutions that support their pupils to learn more practical
matters
Use synonyms
 rather than too much concentration in
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 education.
As a result
Linking Words
 of learning house management, interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 and how to work effectively , not only
students
Use synonyms
 could use these to handle any problems, but they
also
Linking Words
 have broader
skills
Use synonyms
 to survive in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wider society. In my point of view, some compulsory subjects, those
skills
Use synonyms
 currently have not been able to be used in their real life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Thailand, A majority of schools provide much more helpless subjects for their
students
Use synonyms
 but practically many children lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
crucial
skills
Use synonyms
 outside school. To conclude, I strongly agree that
students
Use synonyms
 should be guided by physical
matters
Use synonyms
 that are so advantageous facing
this
Linking Words
 modern world rather than learning too academic of
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: