IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?

#men #jobs #government #percentage #women
In ,statistics
men
 do high-level
work
 when compared to
women
. So to surely encourage the woman in order to do
work
, some perchance of
work
 should be reserved for the
women
 . By stating the pros and cons, I will state my opinion on the above.
First
 to start with, Mostly
men
's have high-level jobs, it may be based upon the
men
 capabilities
also
 but not only for their gender or so. For ,example if we take into account,
Men
also
 doesn't have scholarships as
women
. So some
men
 do get their top-level
work
 with their own capabilities.
This
 is for a very less percentage of
men
. There are both sides of a coin as we know, so there will be
men
 that have utmost knowledge and
also
 will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gender-biased environment.
secondly
, Some people think that ladies are not capable of taking the higher-level works, as they have more responsibilities on their shoulders.
For instance
, Most of the CEO in the topmost multi-national company are
men
 not
women
. because of the view that they cannot give their hundred per cent to the company.
This
 is so sad that we are in
this
 type of society. Ladies are more efficient to do their
work
 primarily properly. They are lots more examples that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to state,
this
 is major in the civil department, as they have bulky
work
, people don't encourage
women
 to do their loved job. I conclude that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the government should that the necessary actions to reserve some amount of top-level positions for
women
, which should be kept as mandatory in all the companies, whether it may be the public or the private sector.
Submitted by tassajay93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: