IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
the following charts illustrate the ownership of electrical appliances and households.
overall
Linking Words
, the horizontal indicates the
year
Use synonyms
 between 1920 and 2019 for both the charts,
whereas
Linking Words
 vertical electrical appliance shows household on 0 to 100% and other chart housework states the duration hours from 0 to 60.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 had taken
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 hand at 40%, the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners took 30% and
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
 pointed from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
0% in the
year
Use synonyms
 1920. in 1940, the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witnessed a phenomenal increase with around 55% ahead
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 washing
machine
Use synonyms
 reached 60%, but
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
 shows steady inclined growth at 50%. the
next
Linking Words
 four decades depict the refrigerator touched the highest point in 1980,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 at 90%, but the washing
machine
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated and reached 70% in 2000. in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 2 decades, remain constant value for both washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 at 100% and followed by washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 ended
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 75%. in the household chart,
initially
Linking Words
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
60hour
Correct your spelling
60 hours
 in 1920 and later declined for
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 4 decades
whereas
Linking Words
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1960 to 2019. slight fall in the house working hour to 10%. the chart clearly shows that the increase in the
year
Use synonyms
 1920 to 1980 in electrical appliances affected the housework hours
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 decline in the
year
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2019 respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next, whereas".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, machine, vacuum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: