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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents have a great influence on their children. Others believe that the media is a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era, children are not only learning things from their families
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 from Broadcasting
media
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. There is a high influence on the
child
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child's
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 behaviour in both ways. Most people think that
parents
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 can mould their
child
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child's
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 aspects in a good manner.
And some
Correct word choice
Some
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 people claim that
kid's
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kids'
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attitude
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attitudes
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is
Wrong verb form
are influenced
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 by the influence of social
media
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.I will be illustrating the two views
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in
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the below paragraphs.
Firstly
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, Nowadays kids are very smart and they always love to spend their time watching TV. As they are attracted towards the television, they think that what the
media
Use synonyms
 shows is correct.
This
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 will have a huge effect on the toddlers.
For example
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, In
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
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States,
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 there
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are kids who always
see
Verb problem
watch
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Telephone
Correct article usage
the Telephone
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, Television
Correct your spelling
and television
. Observed several things like foul language and talking in school.
As he
Correct word choice
He
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 thought
that
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is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the right way to behave.
Secondly
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, the impact of
parents
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 on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 activity is more
due to
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 they see their mother from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 small age and most of the things they will learn from them.
For instance
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,
In
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apply
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a recent survey
studied
Verb problem
found
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 that successful professionals are close to their
parents
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because they inherently learn moral values, smooth behaviour and respect towards the elderly. They learnt the important lessons to build their career in the most effective way. In conclusion, Admitting that the negative impact
is from
Verb problem
of
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 the
media
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
eradicate
Wrong verb form
be eradicated
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 by the
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
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 teachings. So I consider the influence of the
parents
Use synonyms
 is only high when compared with others. As they observe and understand the great learnings from family.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and link them logically to create a cohesive argument. Use topic sentences to introduce each main point clearly.
task response
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be further developed. Make sure to clearly address all parts of the task prompt and provide a thorough conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • mimic behavior
  • worldviews
  • moral frameworks
  • exposure
  • social interactions
  • educational pursuits
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • pervasive influence
  • digital technology
  • perceptions
  • attitudes
  • behaviors
  • information dissemination
  • diverse perspectives
  • cultures
  • broader understanding
  • peer influence
  • trends
  • social media platforms
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