IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that parents have a great influence on their children. Others believe that the media is a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #influence #children #media
In the modern era, children are not only learning things from their families
,
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apply
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 but
also
 from Broadcasting
media
. There is a high influence on the
child
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child's
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 behaviour in both ways. Most people think that
parents
 can mould their
child
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child's
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 aspects in a good manner.
And some
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Some
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 people claim that
kid's
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kids'
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attitude
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attitudes
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is
Wrong verb form
are influenced
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 by the influence of social
media
.I will be illustrating the two views
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in
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the below paragraphs.
Firstly
, Nowadays kids are very smart and they always love to spend their time watching TV. As they are attracted towards the television, they think that what the
media
 shows is correct.
This
 will have a huge effect on the toddlers.
For example
, In
United
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the United
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States
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States,
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 there
is
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apply
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are kids who always
see
Verb problem
watch
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Telephone
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the Telephone
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, Television
Correct your spelling
and television
. Observed several things like foul language and talking in school.
As he
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He
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 thought
that
is
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was
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 the right way to behave.
Secondly
, the impact of
parents
 on
child's
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a child's
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 activity is more
due to
 they see their mother from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 small age and most of the things they will learn from them.
For instance
,
In
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apply
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a recent survey
studied
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found
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 that successful professionals are close to their
parents
.
This
 is because they inherently learn moral values, smooth behaviour and respect towards the elderly. They learnt the important lessons to build their career in the most effective way. In conclusion, Admitting that the negative impact
is from
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of
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 the
media
,
which
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apply
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can
eradicate
Wrong verb form
be eradicated
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 by the
parent's
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parents'
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 teachings. So I consider the influence of the
parents
 is only high when compared with others. As they observe and understand the great learnings from family.
Submitted by tassajay93 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and link them logically to create a cohesive argument. Use topic sentences to introduce each main point clearly.
task response
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be further developed. Make sure to clearly address all parts of the task prompt and provide a thorough conclusion that summarizes your main points.
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