Some people think it s good for teenagers to have part time jobs, while other people believe teenagers should not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Undoubtedly, everyone should start doing a job to make a living. Even
for
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apply

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the rich,
they
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apply

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should know how to manage their
money
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and properties.
Although
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many
people
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think that
teens
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are not expected to
work
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, some other individuals including myself strongly believe that they will have a lot of benefits if they develop strong
work
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ethics from their childhood. Regarding why
teens
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should not
work
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,
people
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think that they will lose their
valueble
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valuable

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time when engaging with temporary
jobs
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. As they think, time spent on
jobs
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can be spent on studying or playing which will be more beneficial for them on a long-term basis.
Furthermore
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, these
jobs
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may not be the ones
parents
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wanted to their children to do in the future. Because nowadays
parents
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need their children to do well-paid and well-recognized
jobs
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like in the field of engineering or medicine.
Linking Words

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Nevertheless
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,Nevertheless

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I think still these students can achieve those goals if they can achieve a balance between
work
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and study. Talking about
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages

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of engaging with part-time
jobs
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during studies, that will help not only for
teens
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but
also
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for their
parents
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since teenagers can earn their pocket
money
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.
For example
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, students do not need to ask
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

money
Change preposition
for money

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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from their guardians when they want to buy simple items
such
Linking Words

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as books, pens even toys.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
teens
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can plan
thier
Correct your spelling
their

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carrier from an early age and can find part-time
jobs
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that are
relavent
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relevant

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to their future targets. If children can be familiar with working environment as
quckly
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quickly

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as possible, they will
fullfil
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fulfil

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all their life goals much faster which make sure that they will have enough
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when they reach their retirement age.
Parents
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and teachers can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

help them by showing
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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best methods of finding appropriate part-time
jobs
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion, even though some
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, I
thoughrouly
Correct your spelling
thoughtfully

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believe that they should start doing part-time
jobs
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Building qualities and skills that are vital to be a successful person, as much as early will help
teens
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

immensly
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immensely

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.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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