IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
In recent years, there is an ongoing issue where the older generation needs to
complete
Correct your spelling
compete
show examples
 with the younger generations for job opportunities. In
this
 essay the problem will be carefully examined and what are the solutions we can provide to help the older people employed.
Firstly
, younger generations are able to get more
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 compared to the elder ones simply because they are more creative and they tend to have more knowledge with
latest
Change the article
the latest
show examples
 technology which
preferred
Add a missing verb
is preferred
show examples
 by big companies
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Google, Apple and etc. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, big companies
hires
Change the verb form
hire
show examples
 young people with fresh new ideas. The importance of technology seems to gain more demand compared with experiences earn by the other generations.
Thus
this
 will
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 reduce the chances for the seniors to get hired by any
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
.
However
, there are so many solutions we can think of to gain the no of employment for the older staffs.
For instance
, there are
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 training provided for them where they can get enrolled and get exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology.
Such
 training programmes will help to spur success in their profession. Keeping themselves update to date to the current trend is very important. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 and office environment has changed
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
. They must
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 to
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
. In conclusion, the world is always moving fast. To keep up with the changes we must always upgrade ourselves with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 trends and
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of new things. Never be afraid to try something new because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know.
Submitted by vinesh82 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: