IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
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Newspaper and
TV
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 sources of information’s that elders use the most to keep updated about
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
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.
However
Linking Words
,
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
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 the passage
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 majority of
Use synonyms
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 don’t read
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
newspapers
show examples
news papers
Correct your spelling
newspapers
show examples
 nor watch
TV
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
. I believe social media and video games played a big role in keeping them not interested. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will explain the causes and the solutions.
Large
Change the article
A large
The large
show examples
 number of young people are not into watching
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 and reading newspapers, due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interesting subjects to report for all ages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young people are looking for something that
interest
Change the verb form
interests
show examples
 them, as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of that, nowadays teenagers are spending a lot of time using social media apps that have many interesting subjects, and
also
Linking Words
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are able to communicate easily.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mohammed can’t find the topic that he is interested in any kind of
news
Use synonyms
 for days, due to that reason, he decided to find it by himself on the internet, which of course he will be able to find it easily.
Also
Linking Words
, video games are keeping
Use synonyms
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 addicted to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for hours, which it
Replace the word
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 their interests. On the
hand
Correct quantifier usage
other hand
show examples
, there are many solutions for these cases. Many youngsters want to see or read something that interests them, which it can be solved by airing more topics that amuse them when they watch it,
also
Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
 companies should provide
news
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
youngster
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
, which is something we absolutely don’t have in most countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, newspapers should
also
Linking Words
 provide interesting topics that are suitable for
Use synonyms
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
. To sum up, social media and video games kept our young people away from
Tv
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 and newspapers, but it can be solved by providing interesting topics and
news
Use synonyms
 channels that are suitable for them
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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