IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising has become part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people are confronted with advertisements of all kinds on a daily basis. Some people believe that there are positive effects as they have received advertisings.
This
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 essay partially agrees with
this
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 viewpoint and provides compelling reasons
as well as
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 examples before the conclusion is reached. With regarding commerce, most entrepreneurs definitely promote their
products
Use synonyms
 by
advertised
Wrong verb form
advertising
show examples
 in various pathways.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that in the economy, in order to obtain an enormous
selling
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 number, it is vital to inform clients of whatever ingredients or services make those different from rival companies.
As a consequence
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, customers will receive the information
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them make a clear comparison of certain aspects of
products
Use synonyms
 and a decision
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 to buy the goods.
For instance
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, Samsung, a competitor of Apple, always make a big commercial about particular designs and functions so that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can weigh up the
pro
Fix the agreement mistake
pros
show examples
 and cons of the product.
However
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, acquiring excessive information can
also
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 lead to repercussions as well.
This
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 is because before the commercials
delivered
Add a missing verb
are delivered
show examples
, the company will probably use some quotes and
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
 to describe
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that
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 is over-exaggerate
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
misunderstanding
Correct article usage
the misunderstanding
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, customers are likely to own
products
Use synonyms
 of much lower quality than advertised.
For example
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, the owner of diet pills has advertised that the pills eaten will significantly reduce weight, which in turn not only the weight increases but
gaining
Verb problem
also causes
show examples
 some healthcare issues
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I personally believe that advertisements can influence people in both positive and negative ways.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers should be careful about receiving those and always analyze advertising before beginning to have a trustworthy
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
products
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider clarifying your position more firmly in the introduction. You mention partial agreement, but it would strengthen your response to explicitly detail the aspects you agree or disagree with.
task achievement
Ensure all your points are directly relevant and supported with clear examples. There are moments where the explanation could be more concise and focused on your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of your phrasing. Some sentences are a bit awkward and can confuse readers. For example, the phrase 'receiving advertisings' could be better expressed as 'exposed to advertisements'.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall fluency of your writing. This can help to maintain reader engagement and make your essay more dynamic.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the advertising impact, which is a commendable approach.
task achievement
The examples you provided, particularly for Samsung and diet pills, effectively illustrate your points and add credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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