IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #machines #workers #jobs #tasks
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It is believed that recent technological advancements have reduced human intervention to a great extent .
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend.
Firstly
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, I will discuss the negative impact of using
machines
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 and ,
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secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
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 I will discuss the positive impacts of the same. Latest technology-driven
machines
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 have a negative impact on society for numerous reasons but the increase in unemployment and environmental issues are both huge concerns. As companies reduce the workforce since it is an extra expenditure for them in manpower, there will be a higher chance of poverty in the country.
Additionally
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, when
machines
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 break down unexpectedly the whole process and work will be on halt . It will cost an arm and leg to repair and maintain the
machines
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 .The wastes generated by the
machines
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 are not disposed of properly which leads to different kinds of pollution.
For instance
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, chemical residues are directly released to rivers from dye factories which is one of the major causes of water pollution.
On the other hand
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,
machines
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 make some tedious and difficult tasks very
easier
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easy
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.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity is tremendously increased as these are capable of giving a larger number of outputs without failing as compared to manual production.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the company can deliver goods
in
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within
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promised
Correct article usage
the promised
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 timelines . In conclusion, there are many benefits and negatives to using the latest technology. In my opinion, both manpower and
machines
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 should be in equal proportion for a great work balance in industries.
Submitted by carithanya on

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coherence and cohesion
Please ensure that the introduction clearly presents the structure of the essay by stating the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a clear, definitive answer to the essay question.
task response
The essay provides some relevant ideas and examples, but it lacks a clear, comprehensive analysis. Make sure to address all aspects of the essay question and provide a balanced evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of using technology-driven machines. Ensure that all examples are directly related to the points being made and support the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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