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Band 4.5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that cannot always expect job satisfaction and a permanent job is more important . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
These days, employment is one of the most important factors associated with everyone's life. Some
people
 believe satisfying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
job
 is more essential than
job
 security since they will do their
work
 well.
Nevertheless
, others disagree with it because full-time jobs can make their finance safe. From my point of view, I agree with the
first
 side as the result of motivation. On the one hand, various
people
 think they can organize their task well when it is the
job
 that they
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
perform
. My elder brother, for
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, is an actor. He loves his occupation because it is his dream when he was a child. He has several movies
which
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in which
show examples
 he acts
to
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as to
show examples
main
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the main
show examples
charactor
Correct your spelling
character
. He told me the main reason that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 he
to
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apply
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be a great actor is he
Correct your spelling
satisfied
satified
Add a missing verb
is satified
show examples
 with his career.
On the other hand
, others discuss with the
first
 side because they consider
permanent
Add an article
the permanent
show examples
job
 is the safe way to deal with their finance. They said a wage from
this
 kind of
job
 is certain,
therefore
 they do not worry about spending their money.
For example
, my mother is a government officer. Even though
,
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apply
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 her salary is not much,
despire
Correct your spelling
despite
 she
think
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thinks
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 she can afford her house. It is the result of her
job
 security
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 make her know she will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 her wage every month. In my opinion, I think
work
 with
pleasant
Replace the word
pleasure
show examples
 is more significant than another side because it can encourage
people
 to desire to
work
. Namely, my neighbour who is a waitress always works without leave. She said that due to her favour,
hence
 she does not absent since she starts
this
 career. From
this
 result, it can represent
job
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 is important to motivate
people
 to
work
.
Submitted by ramonthapat on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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