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many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 advocate that unhealthy products which have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of
sugar
 have a negative impact on
people
health
.
Thus
 they believe that if
Change the determiner
these
show examples
this
 foods raise prices ,
people
 demands reduce simultaneously. I agree with
this
 statement with two main reasons which are going to explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, many individuals accept that
Sugar
 causes numerous
health
 problems that are obesity, cholesterol and diabetes. Most
of
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apply
show examples
experts
Add an article
the experts
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 give precautions about the risk of
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
sugar
 using for
people
 who are keen on
sugar
.
Moreover
,
People
 do not notice the importance of their
health
 So they come across
health
 obstacles
,
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apply
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when they obtain
mindfullness
Correct your spelling
mindfulness
 related harm of
sugar
. Plenty of Countries decided that the price of
sugar
 products raise and they undertake responsibilities from societies affect.
Similarly
, some of the states
forhibid
Correct your spelling
forbid
 that produce
food
 and drink categories that contain high levels of
sugar
.
Secondly
,
People
who
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whom
show examples
 parents lose control upon their
children
 nutrition tendency.
Furthermore
, it is undeniable that most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
 are addicted to junk
food
. Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
teachers, Nutrition plays a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
In addition
 to, If they do not get enough
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
show examples
 and
mineral
Fix the agreement mistake
minerals
show examples
, they face some of the problems that their cognitive and physical development. To exemplify, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 in Europe, they make an itinerary
releated
Correct your spelling
related
released
food
 plan and they increase the cost of junk foods in school canteen so they force on
children
 due to
children
 following
this
 plan and avoid the tendency of buy junk
food
. To sum up, plenty of
people
 admitted that
Sugar
 is too harmful materials for individuals. Sugary foods prices should increase to encourage individuals to tend to less
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
.
Submitted by dynasty_sern on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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