Being a celebrity-Such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

It is unrealistic to deny that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every profession has two facets and prominence

stage

Fix the agreement mistake

stages

show examples

are not exceptional.

Thus

Linking Words

, become

Change the article

show examples

artist has both positive and negative aspects in people’s

life

Use synonyms

. There is an ongoing discussion among

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

that a superstar like

movie

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a movie

show examples

star or prominent player

are

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show examples

not only take

advantages

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advantage

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

face many difficulties. Before giving my opinion I would like to review

the

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apply

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both state.

First

Linking Words

and foremost, many people want to be

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apply

show examples

famous because it gives the opportunity to live a dreamy ,luxurious

life

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to a person .Celebrity earns a huge amount of money and

also

Linking Words

achieve

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show examples

affluent

life

Use synonyms

.So they can effort every expensive , exclusive

things

Change to a singular noun

thing

show examples

such

Linking Words

as car, house so on.

Secondly

Linking Words

, being a superstar means, they will have

millions

Add the preposition

ofmillions

show examples

fans

Use synonyms

, followers who always support them if they are in trouble .Followers raise their

voice

Fix the agreement mistake

voices

show examples

to their

admirer

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admirers

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, two years ago cricket

all rounder

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all-rounder

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Sakib Al Hasan was banned from all forms of cricket for two years due to involve in gambling,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

for protesting his

fans

Use synonyms

authority has bounded to

less

Replace the word

lessen

show examples

his punishment.

Last

Linking Words

but not the least,

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show examples

entertainer get

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to visit all over the

wolrd

Correct your spelling

world

Moreover

Linking Words

, They can use their fame for social well being .

On the other hand

Linking Words

, a famous personality has to face many problems. They can not move in their daily

life

Use synonyms

like a common person. They have to always concern about their safety and security.

In addition

Linking Words

entertainer

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainers

show examples

have lack

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apply

show examples

privacy .

Fans

Use synonyms

and media always look their eyes on them along

with

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apply

show examples

they are curious to know about every

steps

Change to a singular noun

step

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, a superstar cannot relax and don’t get mental peace. Even they spend their vacations confidentially.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a celebrity can not give quality time to family. To sum up, after

above

Add an article

the above

show examples

discussion , I would say,

although

Linking Words

Change the article

show examples

entertainer or prominent personality lose their privacy as well as they have

life

Use synonyms

threaten ,

Linking Words

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

they

earns

Change the verb form

earn

show examples

a lot of money and has a plethora of

fans

Use synonyms

along with they live a dreamy

life

Use synonyms

. So, in my perspective,

positive

Add an article

the positive

show examples

side of

become

Change the verb form

becoming

show examples

celebrity

Correct article usage

a celebrity

show examples

outweigh its negatives aspects.

maheer2008

Sep 7, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

363 words

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Being a celebrity-Such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?