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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These day many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in term of family development.

#people #country #work #outweigh #term #development
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Working abroad has been common in our daily life since travelling through countries, or even through continents is easy due to airway.
Therefore
, when someone works far from home, they tend to take their spouses and children, or even their parents along
with
Correct pronoun usage
themwith
show examples
.
This
 is a controversial topic in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of the benefit of country development, but in the family facet, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. When
people
 mention the obstacles about moving to another country, it is said that except for workers who are accustomed
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 living abroad, others would find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to adjust their lifestyle in order to fit the new environment. These include differences in cultures, manners and languages, which are
embeded
Correct your spelling
embedded
 in their personalities.
However
, the world is becoming globalized these days,
people
 are friendly and almost got used to
interact
Change the verb form
interacting
show examples
 with foreigners, so there might be drawbacks in the
first
 time, but not in the latter. Other noticeable benefits of moving out to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 with family are worthy.
Firstly
,
people
 can live with their beloved family, it is crucial for improving mental health, especially for children who have
father
Correct article usage
a father
show examples
 or mother working abroad.
Secondly
,
people
 have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to experience other cultures and languages, which academically benefits individuals in the long run. In conclusion, moving abroad is not an easy decision
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
people
, especially with their family, but I believe it has more benefits for the families than disadvantages in the end.
Submitted by jocasta.louis on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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