IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

These day many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in term of family development.

#people #country #work #outweigh #term #development
Working abroad has been common in our daily life since travelling through countries, or even through continents is easy due to airway.
Therefore
, when someone works far from home, they tend to take their spouses and children, or even their parents along
with
Correct pronoun usage
themwith
show examples
.
This
 is a controversial topic in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of the benefit of country development, but in the family facet, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. When
people
 mention the obstacles about moving to another country, it is said that except for workers who are accustomed
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 living abroad, others would find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to adjust their lifestyle in order to fit the new environment. These include differences in cultures, manners and languages, which are
embeded
Correct your spelling
embedded
 in their personalities.
However
, the world is becoming globalized these days,
people
 are friendly and almost got used to
interact
Change the verb form
interacting
show examples
 with foreigners, so there might be drawbacks in the
first
 time, but not in the latter. Other noticeable benefits of moving out to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 with family are worthy.
Firstly
,
people
 can live with their beloved family, it is crucial for improving mental health, especially for children who have
father
Correct article usage
a father
show examples
 or mother working abroad.
Secondly
,
people
 have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to experience other cultures and languages, which academically benefits individuals in the long run. In conclusion, moving abroad is not an easy decision
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
people
, especially with their family, but I believe it has more benefits for the families than disadvantages in the end.
Submitted by jocasta.louis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!