The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

Obesity
has been
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun trouble in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
major trouble since many years ago. There are a rapidly increasing number of obese
people
around the world with the
likehood
Correct your spelling
likelihood

The word likehood is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of getting various kinds of crucial
health
problems. According to my perspective, the main purpose for
this
is skipping
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
breakfast
or having instant food for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
breakfast
. I think the only way to overcome
this
issue is to lead
people
to have a nutritious and balanced
breakfast
diet. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
I am going to elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
purpose and the solution mentioned above. In
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
modern society, mostly
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
middle-aged
people
have the probability to become a victim of serious
health
problems because of their
obesity
. In the competitive society, they have been frequently used to skip
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
breakfast
or have instant food more. The more a person earns with the industrial revolution, the poorer their
health
will be.
For instance
,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun research in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
research has proved that 60% of
people
skip their meal in the morning. Consecutively, the degree of
overweight
Add an article
the overweight

The noun phrase overweight population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
population
as well as the risk of having
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the risk of having health problems,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as well as the risk of having health problems. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
health
problems has
also
rose
Change the verb form
risen

It appears that the verb rose should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

show examples
up by 50%.
However
, those
people
should have a proper direction towards a nutritious
breakfast
from using social media, advertising or any kind of technological achievement as nowadays most of the
people
are more familiar with those kinds of advancements. In conclusion, the reason for the improvement in
obesity
and the solution was clear enough to emphasize my view that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
obesity
would be able
lead
Add the particle
to lead

It appears that the verb lead should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

show examples
anyone
Add the comma(s)
, anyone,

When speaking directly to people, their names must be set off by commas. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
to the probability of crucial diseases.
Submitted by sandhb89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improve your band scores without paying for expensive tutoring
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Need a higher score on IELTS Writing?
Instantly see mistakes you've made and learn how to avoid them.