The average standard of peoples health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now,to what extent do you agree or disagree this statement.

Nowadays,whether
people
's
health
would degrade in the Coming days than the
state
it is in present has attracted numerous controversies. Some
people
believe that
average
Correct article usage
the average

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
well-being of an individual may
detoriate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate

The word detoriate is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in future while others hold the view that
people
will probably be
more
Change the word
apply

The double comparative more healthier may be repetitive. Consider changing this to the appropriate comparative form.

show examples
healthier than now.In my
Opinion
Correct your spelling
opinion

The word Opinion doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
,
future
Correct article usage
the future

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being

The word wellbeing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
of mankind in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
days will upgrade
furthermore
due to technological and environmental reasons.
First
and foremost it has been argued that technological reason is why
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

show examples
think
health
condition of
people
in future will be in
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
the excellent

The noun phrase excellent state seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
state
in comparison to existing
State
.
Although
, potentially negative impact of technological innovations must be taken into account,
Istill
Correct your spelling
I still

The word Istill is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

reckon that machinery advancement has in many ways enormously enriched
people
’s life.
For example
; A
well- known
Correct your spelling
well-known

The word well- known seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
Australian philosopher once said, “Innovation of medical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

show examples
such
as computerized tomography (CT)scan ,magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) played a vital role in early diagnosis,treatment and
Prevention
Correct your spelling
prevention

The word Prevention doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
of acute and chronic illnesses
for
Add the comma(s)
,for

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter for instance. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
instance , Cancer,infections etc· It is
thus
, clearly shows that technological development in
health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
sector will impact greatly on expected average well-being of community
people
in Subsequent days.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In addition. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
another factor that should be considered is the
Envinomental
Correct your spelling
Environmental

The word Envinomental is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

state
. As far as Society is concerned the
utimate
Correct your spelling
ultimate

The word utimate is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

aim of environmental hygiene and Cleanliness is to make
people
's lives healthier. A recent article published by The Gorkhapatra,
revaled
Correct your spelling
revealed

The word revaled is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

that about 50 % of
people
's general well-being depend upon their Surroundings". undoubtedly,
This
is a clear indication that the later generation citizen's wellness will upgrade much more than the present
State
· In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In conclusion. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
I agree
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the Statement that
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
generation will be able to Survive Longer with better
health
conditon
Correct your spelling
condition

The word conditon is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

due to technological and environmental reasons outlined above. To address
this
issue the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government

The word goverment is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and society Should make a concerted effort to upgrade and improve
people
's well-being.
Submitted by subedipunam21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: