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Band 4

The average standard of peoples health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now,to what extent do you agree or disagree this statement.

#peoples #health #future
Nowadays,whether
people
's
health
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
degrade in the Coming days than the
state
 it is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 present has attracted numerous controversies. Some
people
 believe that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 well-being of an individual may
detoriate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
 in future
while
 others hold the view that
people
 will probably be more healthier than now.In my Opinion,
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of mankind in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 days will
upgrade
Verb problem
improve
show examples
furthermore
Rephrase
further
show examples
due to
 technological and environmental reasons. First and foremost it has been argued that technological
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 condition of
people
 in future will be in excellent
state
 in comparison to
existing
Correct article usage
the existing
show examples
State
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
potentially
Add an article
the potentially
show examples
 negative impact of technological innovations must be taken into account,
Istill
Correct your spelling
I still
reckon
Change the verb form
reckons
show examples
 that machinery advancement has in many ways enormously enriched
people
’s life.
For example
; A
well- known
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 Australian philosopher once said, “Innovation of medical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
such
 as computerized tomography (CT)scan ,magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) played a vital role in early diagnosis,treatment and Prevention of acute and chronic illnesses
for instance
 , Cancer,infections etc· It is
thus
, clearly shows that technological development in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 sector will impact greatly on expected average well-being of community
people
 in Subsequent days.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 another factor that should be considered is the
Envinomental
Correct your spelling
Environmental
state
. As far as Society is concerned the
utimate
Correct your spelling
ultimate
 aim of environmental hygiene and Cleanliness is to make
people
's lives healthier. A recent article published by The Gorkhapatra,
revaled
Correct your spelling
revealed
 that about 50 % of
people
's general well-being
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 upon their Surroundings". undoubtedly,
This
 is a clear indication that the later generation
citizen's
Change noun form
citizens'
show examples
 wellness will
upgrade
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 much more than the present
State
· In conclusion I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the Statement that
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 generation will be able to Survive Longer with better
health
conditon
Correct your spelling
condition
conditions
due to
 technological and environmental reasons outlined above. To address
this
 issue the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and society Should make a concerted effort to upgrade and improve
people
's well-being.
Submitted by subedipunam21 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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