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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#adults #time #computer #games #development
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Playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 among
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation has become a part and parcel of their life. Presently, adults prefer to spend their leisure
time
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 on mobile
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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 because of the convenience of the internet.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to analyze the reasons that why
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation give preference to
video
Use synonyms
games
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 for spending their free hours. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is both positive and negative development
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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 There are several factors reasonable behind the rising popularity of computer
games
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, the most important of which relate to the sophistication of technology. Due to the development of technology it has become easier to spend spare
time
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with
Change preposition
apply
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full of enjoyment because, nowadays, ample amount of
attractivegames
Correct your spelling
attractive games
, PubG, Free Fire, Subway Surf and many more, which allure adolescents to play. Another factor is that
schedule
Correct article usage
the schedule
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 of every person has become very busy and they have very
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
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time
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 for playing so when they get free
time
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 they prefer to refresh their mind by playing virtual
games
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 as compared to physical activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youth is attracting
towards
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to
show examples
video
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games
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. Online
games
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 have both positive and negative
impact
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impacts
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 on people’s
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will discuss
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 side, virtual
games
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 act as a good stress buster for youngsters as they can refresh their mind and rejuvenate themselves. Along with
this
Linking Words
, children can enhance their intellectual power
also
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, talking about its adverse effects, computer
games
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 really affect people’s health because most of the youngers
glued
Add a missing verb
are glued
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 to the screens which
gives
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give
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 birth to
different
Add an article
a different
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type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of ailments like vision impairment, obesity, heart diseases and so on. To conclude, as per my above discussion, I opine that new generation usually prefer to spend their free hours on
video
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games
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 and it affects their healthy lifestyle and makes them addicted to computer
games
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also
Linking Words
, but virtual
games
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 enhance children’s mental ability but if they utilize it at a certain extent.
Submitted by pardeep.brar52 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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