IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that it is more important to have enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Other disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that at the present when most people have to decide where to
work
Use synonyms
 one of the most important factors which can help them decide is salary because they think that a good salary can make them to a better life. While some persons argue that having an enjoyable job is the essential terms than gaining a good income. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
 an enjoyable job can make everyone happy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 can drive their life. In the following paragraph, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in the detail. It is true to say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness is the one factor of many factors which can help them to decide when they must choose where they
work
Use synonyms
 because they think that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
Use synonyms
 can make them productive rather than a stress
work
Use synonyms
 due to they want to
work
Use synonyms
 every day, and it can mean that they have a good co-worker, good chief and good environment in their company.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can make an efficient
work
Use synonyms
, leading to an efficient organization.
For example
Linking Words
, many freelance artists always do just an artwork they want to do regardless of the amount because they think that the artworks are invaluable.
However
Linking Words
, many people think that a good income can make them happy more than enjoyable due to the
money
Use synonyms
 can buy anything which they want to buy,
such
Linking Words
 as they can buy
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good accommodation in the big cities, and they can buy some services,
for instance
Linking Words
, spa services and health care services which can help them to reduce
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress from their
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly think that earning a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can make everyone happy rather than an enjoyable
work
Use synonyms
 due to the
money
Use synonyms
 can create the happiness from buying the good utilities, and the
money
Use synonyms
 can make anybody to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
well-being in society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is recommended that a
work
Use synonyms
 that can make more and more
money
Use synonyms
, sometimes, can be a happy job, depending on point of view of each person.
Submitted by kitsanayuiyui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: