IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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To a certain extent, I agree that science enhances individuals' lives substantially, especially in terms of mental and physical well-being.
However
, I
also
 think that there must be some ethical and moral obligations that could prevent the exploitation of other creatures,
such
 as animals. On the one hand, it is thought that public welfare should be the paramount aim of science and other disciplines. The advances in technology, medicine, and other scientific areas are what determine public welfare.
Therefore
, it is crucial for
people
 to have esteem for scientists. Their profound investigations, discoveries, reports, trials, etc., about their fields provide benefits to
people
 that facilitate their lives. The internet is an example of
this
; with the advancement of the web,
people
 can conveniently
reach
Verb problem
access
show examples
 information.
Thus
, it could be said that allocating funds for science makes
people
’s lives more qualified.
On the other hand
, it is unrealistic to assume that it doesn't have any drawbacks that adversely affect animals and the environment. Thought solely focused on utility makes
people
 greedy;
hence
, they don’t have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of empathy, except for themselves. If I were to give an example, experiments conducted on mice, particularly in the cosmetic sector, violate animal rights and must be seen as brutality. The experiment ought to be ethical and carried out meticulously, ensuring that it does not harm any creature.
Overall
, though I agree that
people
’s quality of life should be improved by scientists, I
also
 think that they should be concerned about all creatures and improve living conditions.
Submitted by aleynacanacikel on

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task achievement
In terms of task response, ensure you directly address the question and state your position clearly in the introduction. Expand your argument with clear, relevant examples that directly support your opinion throughout the essay. It’s essential to relate each point back to the question to ensure task completion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more seamlessly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, making your essay flow better. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea will improve the coherence of your work.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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