IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The evaluation
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology nowadays is very rampant. People do not even recognise changes from
one
Use synonyms
 to another. There are a lot of modern equipment, appliances and even simple machines are available in the
market
Use synonyms
. Competitors in
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 industries keep doing transformation, product development and more research work. Sometimes their own products compete
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other.
One
Use synonyms
 of the modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 or appliances in the
market
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
.
Television
Use synonyms
dominate
Change the verb form
dominates
show examples
 the communication and entertainment industries
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago. Starting from the Black and White
TV
Use synonyms
, here comes the
Colnel
Correct your spelling
Colonel
TV
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, cable
TV
Use synonyms
 is now available in the
market
Use synonyms
. In
Southest
Correct your spelling
Southeast
 Asia, particularly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Philippino, the most suitable
appliances
Fix the agreement mistake
appliance
show examples
 in the
market
Use synonyms
 is the
television
Use synonyms
. Even the ordinary vendors in the
market
Use synonyms
 or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the sidewalk avail
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
themselves one
show examples
 so that they can watch
television
Use synonyms
 while working.
Bussinessman
Correct your spelling
Businessman
 and employers watch
TV
Use synonyms
 for news and general information. Housekeepers and housewives, together with the children entertain themselves with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
variety shows and soap operas through
television
Use synonyms
. Everyone in all
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
 uses
television
Use synonyms
 as
one
Use synonyms
 of their "mate" in
life
Use synonyms
. There are some issues that
mordernation
Correct your spelling
modernisation
modernization
, new technology including
Use synonyms
television
Add an article
a television
show examples
 in dangerous for children or for the whole family because it destroys a sense of
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 and belongingness and sometimes it
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 the young people in their principle in
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
television
Use synonyms
 is a modern appliance that can help a lot in the
life
Use synonyms
 of each and
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
. It has its own disadvantages too. It can do good or can influence bad
paradigrams
Correct your spelling
paradigms
 to the people, but I believe that the result of the use of watching
TV
Use synonyms
 depends on the person or family themselves. Together with the development is the consequence of having great discipline in oneself.
Submitted by phuonganhp94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: