IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

#countries #town-centre #shops #business #people #drive #stores #cars #access #change
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Big town-centre markets, which are usually located outside of a town had been grown in the market share compare to smaller
bussinesses
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businesses
, causing some difficulties for
carless
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careless
show examples
 customers to shop.
This
Linking Words
inconvinience
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inconvenience
 creates a high demand for private transportation use,
therefore
Linking Words
 increasing
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of CO2
emisions
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emissions
. As there are no any
benifit
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benefit
benefits
 from it, I
regards
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regard
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation mostly
incovinient
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inconvenient
 and detrimental both for people and nature. Overall, driving for
long distance
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long-distance
show examples
 for shopping
pourposes
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purposes
 is time consuming, stressful and polluting, these are three main connected disadvantages of
consume
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consuming
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 from out-of-town mall or shopping centre.
Firstly
Linking Words
, traffic became the most
relevent
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relevant
 urban issue, the tension can be
decreassed
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decreased
 if citizens cut their driving time. Not only
its
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it's
it is
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 stressful to spend hours on the road
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 demotivating people and cause mental fatigue.
As a result
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,
unecesary
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unnecessary
necessary
 car trips causing another health problem
such
Linking Words
 a
migrane
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migraine
, or headache. Noise from
a
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apply
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busy roads
as
Add a missing verb
is as
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 much harmful as intense emotional stress.
In other words
Linking Words
, driving as
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 as possible is better both for mental health and general human well-being.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
unressponsible
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responsible
 use of
fosils
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fossils
foils
 is
even
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, even more,
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more
Change the word
apply
show examples
worse, it
cause
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causes
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 air pollution,
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which
show examples
wich
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which
show examples
 is
reason
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the reason
show examples
 of illness and low immunity of millions. Its commonly known that
,
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apply
show examples
 using other alternatives from transportation, buses and bikes
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, can cut carbon dioxide
level
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levels
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 in
air
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the air
show examples
in
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insignificant
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significant
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a significant
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
.
Shoping
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Shopping
 in a local market, while supporting smaller
bussines
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business
 and use green transport is more
advantageus
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advantageous
 for people, rather
that
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than
show examples
 to drive for
grocceries
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groceries
.
Submitted by nargizataishybay on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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