IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

#space #exploration #money
A big proportion of expenditure is being spent on exploring the space. There are two contrasting views where one group of society vehemently deemed that
money
 should
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on space exploration while
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 propose that there are myriad other essential things where
money
 can be utilised. In my opinion
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system and
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 sector are the two most prominent sectors where investment will be more beneficial. In the forthcoming paragraphs, will discuss why
money
 should be spent on these two things.
First
 of all,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
back bone
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
 of any nation which is essential for
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
over all
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
 development
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. It can be developed by government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
 individuals are not able to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
education
 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
money
.
For instance
, India is a developing country where more than
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40 % population
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 under
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line. Due to that, they cannot go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Even can not get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 job.
Education
 is a right of each and every individual so,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 can be benefited
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 investment.
Secondly
, humans have been suffering
a
Change preposition
from a
show examples
plethora of diseases for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time.
Healthy
Add an article
A healthy
show examples
 mind is directly related to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 body. Is it important to spend
money
 on
advancement
Add an article
the advancement
show examples
 of medical infrastructure? Certainly, yes! Medical expenses have become costly and
moreover
 it is unreachable to poor people. Every year, we are hearing about a new disease which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 created havoc in society. Government should invest
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and medical equipment.
For example
, many developing countries have more death
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 compare to developed countries because they do not have good medical facilities. Healthy people are
pillar
Add an article
a pillar
the pillar
show examples
 of the nation. To recapitulate, I have discussed why authority should concentrate more on
education
 and
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 than space. Without good
education
 and medical facilities country cannot gain
confidence
Add an article
the confidence
show examples
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 public and can not reach to higher position either.
Submitted by namita.sinha25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!