IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

A big proportion of expenditure is being spent on exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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space. It has been argued by many people that space exploration is too costly
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should utilise
funds
Use synonyms
 on other essential things
such
Linking Words
 as education, medical. In my opinion, I totally agree with the statement. The education system and the medical sector are the two most prominent sectors where wealth can be invested. In an essay, I will discuss why money should be spent on these two things. First of all, the education system is the backbone of any nation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is essential for the
overall
Linking Words
 development of countries. It can be developed
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 government
funds
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most individuals are not able to
get
Verb problem
pursue
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higher studies
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
cash
Check wording
funds
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India
where
Punctuation problem
, where
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 more than 40 % population are under the poverty line.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, they cannot go to school. Even cannot
get
Rephrase
even get
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 a better job.
Educations
Fix the agreement mistake
Education
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the right of each individual.
Secondly
Linking Words
, humans have been suffering from a plethora of diseases for a long time. A healthy mind is directly related to a healthy body. Is it important to spend
funds
Use synonyms
 on the advancement of medical infrastructure? Certainly, yes! The medical expense has become costly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, it is unreachable to poor people.
Additionally
Linking Words
, every year, we
are hearing
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 which has created havoc in society.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should invest
funds
Use synonyms
 in hospitals and medical equipment.
For example
Linking Words
, many developing countries have
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 death rates
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the developed countries because they do not have good medical facilities. Healthy people are a pillar of the nation. To summarise, I have discussed why authorities should concentrate more on teaching and the medical sector than
space
Change preposition
on space
show examples
 exploration. Without good learning and medical facilities country cannot gain the confidence of its public and can not reach to higher position either.

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task response
Your position is clear and you state it in both the start and the end. To improve task response, give more full reasons and add one clear result or example for each point.
cohesion
Your plan is good with steps like 'First of all' and 'Secondly'. Use more link words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'in addition', 'as a result', to make the flow smooth.
grammar
There are many small grammar mistakes. Fix them, for example 'Educations are' should be 'Education is', '40 %' should be '40%', 'more than 40% of the population is poor'.
structure
Keep one clear idea in each part and try not to repeat the same point. It helps your score for task response.
style
Use simple words and short sentences. Check punctuation and stop marks. Break long lines into two sentences.
content
Add more real or clear examples to back each point. It makes your argument stronger.
task response
You take a clear view and keep that view through the essay.
cohesion
You use order words like 'First of all' and 'Secondly' to show the plan.
content
Reason is tied to life ideas, like help in education and health, which fits the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
What to do next:
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