IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #country #countries #work #trend
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Many
individuals
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 go abroad and decide to stay there for many years or even in some cases permanently. Personally, I am inclined to the view that the merits of leaving the
country
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 outweigh the drawbacks. People usually tend to look for better lifestyles and in many countries,
individuals
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 suffer trying to feed their families with low incomes.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, they tend to leave their
country
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 looking for better conditions of life and to succeed in their career.
For example
Linking Words
,
multiples
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multiple
show examples
individuals
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 go every year to the USA to work and gain enough money to be able to care for their whole family. The second effect is security. Some countries do not have sufficient police officers to guarantee protection for people and it increases the number of assaults and deaths.
However
Linking Words
, it is not easy to go legally to another
country
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 and it is even difficult to have your whole family with you in another
country
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. There are some difficulties
to
Change preposition
in
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conquer
Verb problem
obtaining
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 the right visas for all relatives and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, many
individuals
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 cross the borders illegally in an act of panic.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not have the same rights as a native citizen
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
 some problems with documents, the healthcare system and when looking for a job. In conclusion, people are leaving their
country
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due to
Linking Words
 the everyday difficulties that they
lead
Verb problem
face
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,
such
Linking Words
 as lack of opportunities, insecurity and poor
life’s
Change noun form
life
show examples
 conditions. Starting their lives in countries with better perspectives is a way of pursuing a great future for themselves and even for those relatives who have been left in their home
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by keila_suelen on

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task achievement
Ensure every main point is backed with relevant and specific examples to enhance credibility.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow within paragraphs by using more cohesive devices or transition phrases.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses why people migrate and provides balanced perspectives on its advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the content of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic migrant
  • Brain drain
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Remittances
  • Expatriate
  • Diaspora
  • Transnational
  • Host country
  • Country of origin
  • Push and pull factors
  • Standard of living
  • Political asylum
  • Cross-cultural
  • Migrant workforce
  • Integration policy
What to do next:
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