IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations
People
 have different views about how working in the same company over
life
 can be valuable for persons . While others argue that it would be better to
work
 in different groups . In my opinion, I believe that changing companies for
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 can be beneficial . There are various reasons why
people
 believe that working in the same group over their
life
 can be advantageous .
Firslty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
,
this
 approach can help employees to be an expert in the discipline which
work
 on .
In other words
 , if persons committed to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 in the same industry in their
life
 , they will be
proobably
Correct your spelling
probably
 master all skills related to
this
 field and can develop
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enormous expertise which hep them to
evoluate
Correct your spelling
evaluate
 and be promoted in
this
 group .
Secondly
 ,
people
 who choose to be
empolyed
Correct your spelling
employed
 in one organization in their
life
 tend to develop a strong relationship with colleagues .
As a result
 , they will be more comfortable in their
work
 and
then
 more positive and peaceful and their
life
 . In spite of these arguments , I take the view that being employed in several organizations can be the best choice for
people
 . The strongest argument is that employees tend to develop knowledge and skills in several
discipline
Change to a plural noun
disciplines
show examples
 which can help them to be more successful in their
work
 and can overcome all difficulties of tasks .
For example
, some studies show that the majority of successful leaders may have
experiencing
Change the verb form
to experience
show examples
 many jobs in their
life
 .
In addition
, changing the environment of
work
 can be useful for the development of workers
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 because it helps them to be more flexible and have the ability to
adapat
Correct your spelling
adapt
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any change .
Consequently
 , they become more extroverted and
work
 with different teams without difficulties . In conclusion , despite the fact that building a career in the same company may have some merits , I take the view that having professional experiences in several organizations is the best choice .
Submitted by elgalalafatimazahra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: