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Band 4

Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #ever- #population #business #economies
In cities,
parks
 are the only common
place
 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people have to chill out.
Moreover
, the
trees
 in the
parks
 offer shelter to birds. If
this
 area
replaced
Add a missing verb
is replaced
show examples
 for construction purposes it can lead to serious environmental issues. So, I strongly disagree with the opinion of demolishing the public
parks
.
This
 essay will examine the topic in detail with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the public
parks
 assist to maintain the bonding within the population. To elaborate, in metropolitan areas humans live in the apartments and
no
Add a missing verb
have no
show examples
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
show examples
 even with
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
, because of
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
 life.
However
, during leisure activities in the
parks
Add a comma
,parks
show examples
 they get time to know each other and build relationships.
Besides
this
, old age groups are considering
this
place
 as a relaxation area
also
. To exemplify, a study conducted by Punjab University, India proved that depression after 60 years is due to loneliness. To elaborate,
parks
 are the best
place
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to enjoy some stress-free time. To continue with,
parks
 helps to maintain
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
. In towns, due to
insufficiency
Correct article usage
the insufficiency
show examples
 of
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
lands
Add a comma
,lands
show examples
 there will not be any empty
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to plant
trees
 except in the
parks
.
In addition
, the birds use
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
trees
 to
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
shelter
Add an article
a shelter
the shelter
show examples
. Along with these,
this
also
 provides shadow to human beings.
Moreover
, the
trees
 help to purify the air and release pure oxygen. To summarize, not only for humans
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
the
parks
also
 serve good for birds too.
Finally
, having public
parks
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
congested cities are essential to provide a special
place
 for humans to spend some quality time with friends and families.
However
,
this
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 good for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental protection. So, by considering all the above-mentioned points, I strongly disagree with
view
Add an article
the view
show examples
 of replacing the
parks
 for building residents for the population.
Submitted by divyahemakumar2017 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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