Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their chuldren’s Study. On the contrary , those online games have produced a lot of negative effect on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion

The bar graph illustrates the
percentage
of
people
in Charlestown having four differents
weight
measurements in 1995 and 2015. Information is divided into five
age
groups
. Overall, the
participation
of each type of
weight
measurement varied significantly during the period under study. While in 1995 the
largeest
Correct your spelling
largest
proportion of individuals in each
age
group
had an ideal
weight
and the
percentage
of obese was
smallm
Correct your spelling
small
and even inexistent for some brackets, in 2015 the
participation
of
people
weighting more
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
an ideal
weight
increased considerably for all
age
groups
. Only for those between 20-29
years
old
Add a comma
,old
show examples
the distribution of
people
in each eright measurement was similar to the one in 1995. In 1995 the majority proportion of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
in each
age
group
had an ideal
weight
, about 50% for those in the two eldest
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
, and 60% or more for the other 3
groups
. Underweight
people
had
also
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
important
participation
, from 18% for the 40-49
group
to just above 40% for the 60-69
group
. Overweight had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
modest
participation
for the
people
between 30 and 49
years
old, while the
percentage
of obese was small. In 2015 the composition within each
age
group
changed dramatically, except for the 20-29
years
old
group
. The proportion of underweight individuals drop considerably compare to 1995, whole the
percentage
of ideal decreased modestly for those between 30 and 59
years
old; the fall was dramatically for the eldest
group
. At the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
the
participation
of overweight rose for all
groups
but for the 50-59.
Finally
, 2015 showed more
participation
of obese
people
: most went up for the 30-39 and 40-49
groups
,
Correct your spelling
while
show examples
wile
Correct your spelling
while
show examples
the
participation
increased substantially for those between 50 and 69
years
old.
Submitted by helenlouisegallagher on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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