IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Discipline is ever-increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#discipline #schools #people #responsibility #teachers #role #parents
Nowadays, discipline is thought to be a significant issue
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many schools. Some individuals claim that
teachers
 are responsible for it, while others argue that
this
 is parents’ problem. In my opinion, both of them should be responsible, since they have their own experience and way of teaching, and students will be aware of different spheres. On the one hand,
teachers
 are considered to be
second
 parents of children after their own. Since undergraduates spend the most time at school,
teachers
 are responsible for their education, too.
For instance
, NIS students are at school for approximately nine hours which means
teachers
 play a huge role in the process of discipline construction.
Furthermore
, instructors have worked with different children and experienced various types of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 that
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the fact that only
teachers
 are liable for upbringing.
On the other hand
, opponents think that discipline is the responsibility of only parents.
Firstly
, scholars mostly pass their time with mothers and fathers from birth,
thus
, they know children’s character better than anyone else.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 reason is the fact that learners’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 at home is distinctive from that at school. Youngsters act more sincerely with parents, so they can take another path to
parenting
Change the verb form
parent
show examples
. In conclusion, despite other opinions, I believe that teaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the right
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is the duty of both adults. Undergraduates will not only learn life lessons but
also
 receive important qualities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 their future thanks to it.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: