IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
Computer
Change the article
The computer
show examples
 is the most wonderful invention of the modern world and young children are more attracted towards them. Like every other modern
technology
computer
also
 has its own merits and demerits. But I feel advantage or disadvantage depends upon how we are using the
technology
 and for what purpose the
computers
 are used.
Firstly
,
kids
use
computers
 for playing video
games
, programming and now a day’s their schooling is on
computers
. Since pandemic
kids
 are using
computers
 or
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 to attend their school for 4-5 hours daily and after that
also
 they have to
use
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 for
home work
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
.
Yes
Add the punctuation
,Yes
show examples
 there are disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 or any
technology
 as their screening
time
 increases which can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect on their health, but using
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 or laptop is far better than watching TV or playing video
games
 on
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
a mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 as
kids
 waste their
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unwanted activities. In today’s competitive world
computer
 knowledge is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 and it increases their thinking ability.
Kids
 learn
programming
Change the verb form
to program
show examples
 and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing intellectual
games
 will increase their thinking ability. Like many
advantages
Add a comma
,advantages
show examples
 it
also
 has disadvantages like
kids
 spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 on
computers
 and don’t involve in any physical activities. They don’t talk much or open up with their parents, if they meet any of their cousins in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
also
 they either talk about IT
technology
 and they just sit quietly.
For instance
, I remember one
such
 incident, my kid love
computer
 programming and we have enrolled him
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 coding classes where they were teaching him to develop
games
. He got so involved in that, he
use
 to spent most of his
time
 doing practice and don’t like to get involve in physical activities he started spending less
time
 with his friends. So we made him understand and put
time
Add an article
a time
show examples
 limit for using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. To conclude, every
technology
 has its own advantage and disadvantage but it depends on us how much and for what purpose we
use
 it. If we
use
 it to gain knowledge rather than playing
games
 it is always an advantage.
Submitted by reshmachavhan31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: