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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
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Employers are always seeking
job
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 candidates who
highly
Add a missing verb
are highly
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 qualified, whereas good-educated alumni are always eager
on
Change preposition
to
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get
Change the verb form
getting
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 a
job
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 with good
condition
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conditions
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 and
prospect
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prospects
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, both parties want to match each other, there is usually a gap between
Correct article usage
the employer
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employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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graduates
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. There is a number of factors to cause unemployed high educated
graduates
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 in Mongolia.
For instance
Linking Words
, lack of contacting methods to find candidates or employers, in most cases students don’t know
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 employer’s clear requirement because many
job
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 calls are unclear and mentioned popular requirement list and some
graduates
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 haven’t experience about how to be interviewed.
Also
Linking Words
, the human resource field is developing recently in the country,
therefore
Linking Words
 a lot of companies still use traditional ways
such
Linking Words
 as asking a possible worker via familiar people or
worker
Replace the word
work
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 as well as publish a vacancy announcement on daily news so on.
This
Linking Words
 situation for
graduates
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 is
also
Linking Words
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as employers and they look for a good
job
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 via relatives or friends. I think universities in Mongolia should play a higher role in
job
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 finding processes. At present, they almost don’t help to find a
job
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 for the students. Universities and colleges can conduct a survey among learners “what kind of work and company do you like” and
this
Linking Words
 might be an essential step in which educational organizations will contribute to the
job
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 finding process. And these educational organizations should tie academic knowledge with practical cases because tons of
graduates
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 haven’t sufficient knowledge to use in real tasks or jobs. Overall, it seems that highly qualified is good but too much academic education may become a drawback.
Also
Linking Words
,
improvement
Add an article
an improvement
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on
Change preposition
in
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HR
Correct article usage
the HR
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 sector is one of
supporting
Correct article usage
the supporting
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factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 to get in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 for the
graduates
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mgl2666 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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