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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks ?

These days
many
Punctuation problem
, many
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 places around the world have been transformed to become interesting tourist attractions. It seems to me that there are a plethora of benefits and a few drawbacks to these transformations,
which
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and
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 the pros outweigh the cons. On the one hand, the merits of sites
where
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that
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 have
been
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apply
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become sightseeing places are obviously indicated in tourism.
Firstly
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,one of the strengths is that
making
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it makes
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 more income
to
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for
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 many individuals living around those areas,which significantly
encourage
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improves
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 their quality of life.
For instance
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,the public could
be
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apply
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run their own business in order to accommodate a lot of tourists visiting there.
Secondly
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, those positions may
support
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make
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 the visitors happier when they travel to the great
sightseeing
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sights
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.
Moreover
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,those may principally be the relaxing zones after
tired
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apply
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working throughout the year. One could spend leisure time on the weekend or vacation to visit some favourite
fields
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places
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such
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 as beaches or mountains.
In addition
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, many fields could be developed to be better sites in the future by related organisations.
On the other hand
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,there are a few drawbacks to these changes that may reasonably be careful,which are
considered
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apply
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the balance of nature and tourism. Some people argue that these may gradually destroy nature
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such
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, such
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 as many forest areas becoming a large number of resorts and hotels. The more constructions are built up,the less woodland or natural zones are.
To conclude
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, my own view is that the strengths considerably outweigh the weaknesses with regard to a multitude of developed tourist spots around the world.
However
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, these should appropriately be weighed in regard to both beneficial and poor consequences.

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coherence
Use clear topic sentences. Make each paragraph hold one main idea.
grammar
Fix grammar and use simple, correct forms.
lexical
Choose simple words. Do not use hard words like plethora or transformed.
task
Add stronger and more clear examples to back points.
structure
Have a short introduction that states your view and a short conclusion that restates it.
position
The writer shows a clear view that benefits may outweigh drawbacks.
coherence
There is a contrast use with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
Both sides are talked about and small examples are given.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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