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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 to 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 to 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These line charts illustrate the proportion of having electrical appliances and the number of time spent on housework in a country
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1920 and 2019. The percentage of families that have three different electrical appliances rise in
this
Linking Words
 century.The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 fluctuated between 40% to 75%. There was a progressive upturn in the proportion of that from 40% to 70% over a span of 40 years between 1920 to 1960 followed by a drop to 64% in 1980.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the data grew stably to 75%
at the end
Linking Words
 of
given
Add an article
a given
the given
show examples
 period. Moving on to the percentage of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
, they showed an upward trend in
this
Linking Words
 period. The
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of families having a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 rise significantly from 0% in 1920 to 100% in 1980 overtaking that of a washing
machine
Use synonyms
 in 1945. And there was
also
Linking Words
 an increase for that with a
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner from 30% to 100% exceeding that of a washing
machine
Use synonyms
 in 1960. The number of hours people spent on housework decreased in
this
Linking Words
 period. The amount of time dropped significantly from 50 hours to 15% from 1920 to 1980 followed by a significant drop in the
next
Linking Words
 40 years. 
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the data that the percentage of having a washing
machine
Use synonyms
,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 or
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner all saw a rise and that hours spent on housework saw a drop. It is
also
Linking Words
 striking that every home had a
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner after 2000.
Submitted by LiuYajing119 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, refrigerator, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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