IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for where tourists who visit such places?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctic #visit
Nowadays most tourists are going to visit some difficult places like deserts as the hottest or poles as the coldest places on earth. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 visiting
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
horrible and dangerous places needs an amazing spirit full of encouragement. On one hand, the advantages of
such
 a trip include proofing the
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 braveness to his
/
herself and the friends come with and
additionally
 it would increase the self-confidence which can motivate everyone to do greater works and his
/
her life or job and
also
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
find the best solution for the problems dealt with.
On the other hand
, there would be some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 including any danger and risk of getting lost or even died in some points if there be less information about the area and the weather,
for instance
, in
such
 travellings.
In addition
, taking appropriate equipment is necessary.
Although
 visiting everywhere can be so fascinating, but being someone who is familiar with the
rigion
Correct your spelling
region
 as a leader is a vital matter which must be taken into consideration before starting the journey.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, visiting all over the world is possible, even somewhere is known as hard and terrifying.
However
, it needs paying attention to the instruments and the people with whom you would be. So not everyone can choose his
/
her way to discover every part of the universe unless he
/
she
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
thinks carefully and receive helpful information before planning for
this
 kind of adventurous
trips
Fix the agreement mistake
trip
show examples
.
Submitted by mohammadsaeidhaqshoar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: