IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as woman at parenting. Do you agree?

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies #woman
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Regardless of whereabouts in the world, mothers tend to have a stronger
role
 when raising children compared to their husbands.
However
, the reasons behind
this
 phenomenon are not very clear.
While
 many believe there is a natural explanation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 why
women
 are better at caring, others argue that both
parents
 have the same capabilities if given the opportunity of equal parenting. In my opinion, all possible differences rely only on gender roles rather than any possible genetic make-up. There are many reasons why
women
 are targeted as the most responsible, caring and strong
role
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 parenting. Ever since early childhood, girls
are being
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 prepared for the day they become mothers and house-runners. A clear example stands out when looking at the toys girls play with: from baby dolls to mini-kitchens or cleaning products, everything is designed to prepare them for future maternity.
In addition
, families tend to organise the caring of elderlies or babies using barely only female members.
For example
, is very common
that
Correct word choice
for
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 the daughter
Fix the infinitive
to takes
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takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 care of the old grandfather
while
 male members of the family go out to play, work or practise sports.
As a consequence
 of these gender roles, when becoming
parents
,
women
 tend to be more prepared than men.
On the other hand
, there are several experiences that prove
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 men are as capable as
women
 when it comes to parenthood. An obvious example is when the mother unfortunately dies and the father needs to be in charge of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the family. There are no biological hurdles for him to satisfy all children's needs. In fact, many
parents
 complain about the lack of opportunities and space to play a more present
role
.
For instance
, in many countries, parental leave is 3 months for the mother but only 2 weeks for the father,
therefore
 they lack time to bond with the child and assume responsibilities.
To sum up
,
although
 the
role
 of
women
 has always been more important when raising children, recent debates have shown that fathers can be equally important
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the proper environment. The only difference between both
parents
 is the gender roles assigned by society but there are no natural characteristics that make mothers better than fathers.
Submitted by franca.levin on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. However, there could be a more balanced consideration of both viewpoints.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear introduction and conclusion. More cohesive devices could be used to improve the overall cohesion.
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