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Band 4

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
Government workers can not only serve the community but individuals can too. Nowadays, most people believe that long-time government seekers ought to get the opportunity to serve the nation as karma works so that would be a questionable point.
This
 essay will explain why full-time employees can have a voluntary job. There are numerous answers that should be considered as to why should individuals give back to the nation
?
Change the punctuation
.
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Firstly
, It is a habitual system in which seekers work for their expenses and financial reasons
then
 once become successful employees they give back to society what they earn.
For instance
, most businessmen follow the law of attraction principle so whatever they achieve from
this
 land they provide back to them as a natural perspective.
Thus
, doing any type of voluntary work evolves into being a faithful servant to the creator.
In addition
 to having a piece of knowledge and reality-based, people should get merit to have a great system where a full-time employee can dream of a luxurious lifestyle and create a platform for those who want to be a millionaire soon.
Although
 small businesses provide catering services, decoration and music systems where the community function gathers, others can adopt the link for future reasons. In conclusion, It was mentioned
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how and why government networks can be profitable for the long-term employer or employee.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

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structure
The essay lacks clear structure and coherence. Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs that follow a logical sequence, each containing one main idea, explanation, and example where possible.
introduction
The introduction could be clearer and more direct in addressing the essay question. Include a thesis statement that outlines your argument and main points.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay and reiterate your position in relation to the question.
content
Ensure that the main points of your essay are clearly defined and directly address the question. Support each point with relevant examples or explanations.
language
Be cautious with grammar and vocabulary to avoid confusing sentences. Aim for clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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