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Band 2.5

many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #product #level #sugar #health #products #people
The
food
 which we eat that should be according to the requirement of our body Some
food
 contain high
sugar
level
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
various
Add an article
a various
show examples
 health problem. So
lhe
Correct your spelling
the
 product should be expensive to encourage people that they should use those
food
 items which consume less
sugar
 I
compeletly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 statement
Food
 which we eat
firstly
; we have to read about that
food
 that what
sugar
level
 is there in that
food
.
This
 will help to maintain our
propefr
Correct your spelling
proper
 diet. Some
food
 which we consume in our daily life. It
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much
sugar
level
.
High
Add an article
The high
show examples
sugar
level
 in our body is dangerous it will increase
sugar
Add an article
the sugar
show examples
level
 in our blood. Which can cause various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of health problem
Food
manufacturer
Add the comma(s)
,manufacturer
show examples
 they do not mention the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
integrand on the label. we should avoid
those
Change the determiner
that food iteme
show examples
food
iteme
Correct your spelling
items
item
 as they are
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for our
bodj
Correct your spelling
body
Istead
Correct your spelling
Instead
 of that
food
 product we should use another
food
 item which are similar to that but it should contain less
sugar
. ar
food
 manufacturer should increase the price of
those
Change the determiner
that food item
those food items
show examples
food
 item which contain
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
 of
sugar
 in it. To conclude, after summarising
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both the point I would say that
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 should consume
food
 which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 less
sugar
 to keep fit
thire
Correct your spelling
there
their
 body and avoid those
food
 items in which the
sugar
level
 is
heigh
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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