IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers
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These days, there are many successful
people
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 around us,
such
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 as famous actors, top athletes, and
great
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a great
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scientist
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scientists
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. Some
people
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 say that
individual
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individuals
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 who
make
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makes
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 a lot of
money
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 are the most
succcessful
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successful
. Others argue that
money
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 isn’t
a
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the
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 main criterion for judging
success
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. What they think is
people
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 who contribute to
society
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,
such
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 as instructors or scientists, are the
people
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 who
living
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live
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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successful
life
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why I think
people
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 who contribute to
society
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 are more successful. On the one hand, wealth allows an individual to enjoy their
life
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 to the fullest and can be seen as living a successful
life
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. It is an irrefutable fact that loaded individuals can afford a higher quality of
life
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. They can afford the possessions and lifestyle they desire and
also
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 have the free time to enjoy their leisure.
For example
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, extremely wealthy
people
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 go on
a
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apply
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space tourism, while for others, it remains a dream of their lifetime. Unlike
the
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in the
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 past,
the
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apply
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society
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’s attitude towards
money
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 has changed, as they now realise that
money
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 is
Correct your spelling
indispensable
indispensible
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an indispensible
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 part of their lives and consider
money
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 directly proportional to the level of satisfaction a person enjoys.
Therefore
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,
this
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 financial freedom can be viewed as
direct
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a direct
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 definition of
success
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.
However
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, others feel that the social value which came from learning can be hardly bought with
money
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. In
this
Linking Words
society
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 where we living together, the services and contributions of many workers including teachers and scientists are considered invaluable and can be hardly measured in terms of
money
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.
For example
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, teachers are doing research, transmitting
knowlege
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knowledge
 and creating the base of the
success
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 of any person in
the
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apply
show examples
society
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.
Similarly
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, scientists benefit our
society
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 by innovations like vaccine inventions.
Therefore
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, the level of
success
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 they enjoy should be placed above the rich. After analysing both these views in detail, it is clear that one should recognise the efforts of
people
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 who can earn
exorbitant
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an exorbitant
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amount
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amounts
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 of
money
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.
However
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, I think those who directly contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 should be seen as more successful.
Submitted by shoep11 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
What to do next:
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