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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.
#information #electricity #generation #two #countries
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The four given pie charts illustrate the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in two Europe nations in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the first chart shows
conventional
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the conventional
a conventional
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 thermal produced
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
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,
while
Linking Words
 it was the lowest produced
electrcity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 in France and Nuclear was the highest in the provided period. For renewable energy, hydroelectricity was the first
rank
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 in
Fance
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France
 and the minority of
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renewables
Change the noun form
renewable
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 energy sources were solar and geothermal as same as
Use synonyms
Germany
Change preposition
in Germany
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. The top
rank
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation in
Germany
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 was conventional thermal which comprised over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half (59.6%).
Other
Correct article usage
The other
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 two generators were nuclear and
renewables
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, accounting for 23% and 17.4% respectively. Turning to
renewables
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, 39.3% Biomass and 36.9% wind took the highest
rank
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 among
five
Correct article usage
the five
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 types of generators,
while
Linking Words
 hydroelectricity consisted
17.7
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of 17.7
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% and solar 6.1%. There was no
electricity
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 from geothermal in both
courties
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countries
. Looking at the production of
electricity
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 in Frace, nuclear took the first
rank
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 of
gernation
Correct your spelling
generation
germination
, which produced 76% of energy. In spite of
Germany
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, only one ten of conventional thermal was the lowest, and the
second
Linking Words
 one was
renewables
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13.7
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at 13.7
show examples
%. Forward to
renewables
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 in France, the majority of production went to hydroelectricity which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 80.5%, and other were 8.1% of
biomass
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the biomass
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, 10.5% of wind and 0.9% of solar.
Submitted by sokuntheary94 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, germany, rank, renewables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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