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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.
#information #electricity #generation #two #countries
The four given pie charts illustrate the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
electricity
 in two Europe nations in 2009.
Overall
, the first chart shows
conventional
Add an article
the conventional
a conventional
show examples
 thermal produced
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
electricity
 in
Germany
,
while
 it was the lowest produced
electrcity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 in France and Nuclear was the highest in the provided period. For renewable energy, hydroelectricity was the first
rank
 in
Fance
Correct your spelling
France
 and the minority of
renewables
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renewable
show examples
 energy sources were solar and geothermal as same as
Germany
Change preposition
in Germany
show examples
. The top
rank
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
 generation in
Germany
 was conventional thermal which comprised over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half (59.6%).
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
 two generators were nuclear and
renewables
, accounting for 23% and 17.4% respectively. Turning to
renewables
, 39.3% Biomass and 36.9% wind took the highest
rank
 among
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 types of generators,
while
 hydroelectricity consisted
17.7
Change preposition
of 17.7
show examples
% and solar 6.1%. There was no
electricity
 from geothermal in both
courties
Correct your spelling
countries
. Looking at the production of
electricity
 in Frace, nuclear took the first
rank
 of
gernation
Correct your spelling
generation
germination
, which produced 76% of energy. In spite of
Germany
, only one ten of conventional thermal was the lowest, and the
second
 one was
renewables
13.7
Change preposition
at 13.7
show examples
%. Forward to
renewables
 in France, the majority of production went to hydroelectricity which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 80.5%, and other were 8.1% of
biomass
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the biomass
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, 10.5% of wind and 0.9% of solar.
Submitted by sokuntheary94 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, germany, rank, renewables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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