IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family . Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job?What other factors should be considered?

It
is opine
Change the verb form
is opined
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 by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
their
Replace the word
there
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 should be based on wages, in order to give security for their family.
Although
Linking Words
, wealth is necessary to complete basic needs, yet comfortable
environment
Use synonyms
 and job satisfaction
are
Change the verb form
are also mattered
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also
Linking Words
 matter of concern while they are choosing
job
Add an article
a job
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, adequate remuneration is necessary for survival.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if employees have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 pay scale
then
Linking Words
 they can provide
luxurious
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a luxurious
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 lifestyle to family members, so many
people
Use synonyms
 look for pay while searching
work
Change preposition
for work
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in order to give proper education to children so that they can have
secure
Correct article usage
a secure
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 future,
people
Use synonyms
 are doing
well Paid
Add a hyphen
well-Paid
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 jobs.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the basic requirements of
family
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the family
a family
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such
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 as shelter, food, clothes, so that they can stay comfortable in life, it is possible only if they are earning well. Other components are
also
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 mandatory when
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 is selecting
occupation
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an occupation
show examples
 . Primarily, colleagues relationships, if employees have good interpersonal relationships at
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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, they can easily seek help from coworkers to complete their task ,which leads to less burden on
single
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a single
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 employee. Secondarily,
Correct article usage
a
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comfortable working
environment
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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 for workers, in order to stay free from stress proper working
environment
Use synonyms
 is necessary
such
Linking Words
 as adequate lighting, space and privacy.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 pay attention to working hours
instead
Linking Words
 of only monetary, so that they can spend Quality time with family and friends . To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 sufficient income is
main
Add an article
the main
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 motive of every employee for
security
Add an article
the security
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 of their family;
however
Linking Words
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 factors are
also
Linking Words
 equally important like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 comfortable working
environment
Use synonyms
 and hours.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • job satisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • mental health
  • aligns with
  • productive career
  • career progression
  • growth potential
  • work-life balance
  • flexible hours
  • telecommuting
  • vacation time
  • professional responsibilities
  • working environment
  • corporate culture
  • toxic environment
  • stress and burnout
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