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Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #societies
Nowadays, junk
foods
 are more popular and available than traditional
foods
. Because of
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, the number of
people
 who argue that
this
 is having a negative effect on families and individuals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 rise. I strongly agree with
this
 statement as the bad impact of fast
foods
touch
Change the verb form
touches
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 health of
people
 body which can lead to serious illnesses.
First
 of all, in junk
foods
Add a comma
,foods
show examples
 the number of fat, sugars and other unhealthy things are high, while the quantity of nutritional value is low. So it can have negative side effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For example
, constantly eating fast
foods
 can lead to high blood sugar, as well as other diseases like migraines, diabetes and others.
Secondly
, fast
foods
 high in calories,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in weight or more severely to obesity. Traditional food has larger advantages which some
people
 don't know.
For instance
, in
this
 cooking more lean meats and less fat, it is better for
heart
Add an article
the heart
show examples
.
Moreover
, the smaller calories in food can
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 for weight control and more calcium are better for strong bones and teeth.
Furthermore
, spices contain a variety of vitamins that protect us from unwanted
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
. In conclusion, keeping healthy and avoiding unhealthy
foods
 should be our top priority, which is why I believe that the popularity of fast food has a negative impact on society and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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