IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #societies
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Nowadays, junk
foods
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 are more popular and available than traditional
foods
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. Because of
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, the number of
people
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 who argue that
this
Linking Words
 is having a negative effect on families and individuals
are
Change the verb form
is
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 rise. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as the bad impact of fast
foods
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touch
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touches
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 health of
people
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 body which can lead to serious illnesses.
First
Linking Words
 of all, in junk
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foods
Add a comma
,foods
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 the number of fat, sugars and other unhealthy things are high, while the quantity of nutritional value is low. So it can have negative side effects
for
Change preposition
on
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people
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
For example
Linking Words
, constantly eating fast
foods
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 can lead to high blood sugar, as well as other diseases like migraines, diabetes and others.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fast
foods
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 high in calories,
it
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apply
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can lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in weight or more severely to obesity. Traditional food has larger advantages which some
people
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 don't know.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 cooking more lean meats and less fat, it is better for
heart
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the heart
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the smaller calories in food can
Add a missing verb
be helpful
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helpful
Replace the word
help
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 for weight control and more calcium are better for strong bones and teeth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, spices contain a variety of vitamins that protect us from unwanted
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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. In conclusion, keeping healthy and avoiding unhealthy
foods
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 should be our top priority, which is why I believe that the popularity of fast food has a negative impact on society and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
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.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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